First Time Tripping on Psychedelics: A Trip Report
Psychedelics are becoming a hot topic, but due to a lack of understanding, misinformation, and abuse, they have become stigmatized. Even now, despite the fact that research has resumed, and psychedelics in more and more placed have become decriminalized, the are still strongly misunderstood. In this post, I will share my experience before, during, and after my first psychedelic experience. I will also share my observations of others.
A Late Bloomer
When I was younger, I was straight edge. Before going to college, I never drank alcohol socially, never had a cigarette, and never smoked any weed. This all changed when I as a freshmen at the age of 18.
Marijuana
My roommate in freshmen year was a became a dealer while marijuana was still illegal. After spending some time with him and his friends and others in the dorm, I asked him if I could try. Before dinner that evening, him and I lit up in a secluded area behind a gymnasium. We had dinner with others in the dorm, most of which were conservative and completely oblivious, in the dining hall. We couldn’t stop making jokes and laughing. It was a pleasurable and fun experience. After that, I would smoke with him a few dozen times, a few times as a freshmen, and whenever we hung out in sophomore and junior year.
Alcohol
Due to a lack of socialization due to childhood trauma and having emotionally abusive and rejecting parents, I did not have many opportunities to make friends and enjoy the typical American high school. When I was able to live in a place where I was living in the vicinity of others, such as when I volunteered in abroad in high school, I thrived far more than my classmates who did well within their bubble in private schools.
In college, I started drinking alcohol from time to time and later daily once I turned 21 and when I was studying and interning abroad. It became an addiction, which more or less ended about the time I started eating a plant-based diet in my senior year.
I found alcohol to be a fun drug that lowered inhibitions for better or for worse with me getting into trouble and watching others get in trouble, whether they were being taken advantage of or whether or not they were acting irresponsible in other ways. I was not immune to doing things that I wasn’t proud of, though I was never out of control or abusive, just a little foolish.
Tobacco and Cigarettes(H3)
Whenever my former roommate and his friends would roll splifs, which are hand-rolled cigarettes with marijuana and tobacco, I would join. The same was true whenever they smoked hookah, which I also enjoyed when interning abroad. There were a few times when I tried chewing tobacco. It was only then when I became aware of how dangerous tobacco was. It was extremely strong, almost like having several drinks.
Experimenting with Legal “Highs”
In college, I had a temporary short addiction to Percocet. It was short lived however.
I later tried my first hallucinogen, dextromethorphan, also known as DXM. It is a dissociative drug. The consumption of it is called robotripping, as DXM is one of the active ingredients in the medicine. I stayed up all night surrounded by hallucinated insects. I lost track of time and got extremely dehydrated. The next morning, I had an entire conversation with my roommate who as it turned out wasn’t actually in the apartment. He was away for the weekend.
DXM is not an experience that is helpful or fun. Despite its legality, I strongly believe that it should not be taken by anyone. Higher dose trips can be nightmarish. There are no known therapeutic benefits aside their role in certain cough and cold medications.
The Stigma of Psychedelics
The Black Sheep
As a vegan and a former expat who lived China, which has an extremely low proportion of foreigners, I am used to being an outsider. Americans are not seen in such a good light by many Chinese people due to propaganda. Often times, those who are non-critical thinkers will associate a people or nationality with a government or the actions of others who live or lived there.
My diet is stigmatized partially due to its association with a certain kind of vegan stereotype, and there is an inherent bias against veganism due to a number of factors.
I have also been very open to being no contact with my family of origin and have many other opinions that have made me unpopular.
Just like veganism, no contact with one’s family of origin, and being an American in China, psychedelics are unfortunately also stigmatized. This is a mistake that prevents many people from experiencing their benefits and politicians and voters from making informed decisions.
Why Society Stigmatized Psychedelics
In the 1960s, many individuals using psychedelics were anti-establishment and/or reckless in their use. Because of the United Nations Convention on Psychotropic Substances, passed in 1971, all of the member states essentially made psychedelics illegal worldwide under false pretenses, the United National Economic and Social Council was “deeply concerned at reports of serious damage to health being caused by LSD and similar hallucinogenic substances.”
In fact, psychedelics have been proven to be far safer than legal drugs, such as alcohol and tobacco, which are not only very unhealthy and addictive, but also damaging to society. Psychedelics are non-habit forming and have been shown to be therapeutic before the ban.
Irresponsibility
One of the things that is known by many in Western society is the concept of a bad trip. While they may have not necessarily experienced one themselves, they tend to be aware that it is a phenomenon associated with psychedelics.
While I have had what could be considered a bad trip, it was due to a lack of knowledge and a lack of understanding. I simply was fascinated after my first trip and was given some poor advice and also took ayahuasca and had facilitators who did not prepare the others in the ceremony and I properly. There was very poor communication and virtually no information about safety.
This lack of being prepared, for whatever reason is only one part of the picture though. The other is those who take psychedelics for purely recreational purposes. I can understand a teenager wanting to experiment with drugs. Unfortunately, most of those who I met who tried psychedelics young seemed to have traumatic experiences. Those, regardless of age, who take psychedelics recreationally are not using it as a tool, but rather for some other reason. I find that most who tend to take psychedelics recreationally are very dissociated and so split off that they seem to get almost no benefit whatsoever, since they are so self-unaware.
Hippies and Spiritualists
Two groups of people who I think hurt the psychedelic movement are “hippies” and those on a purely spiritual path. In my opinion, nobody understands the nature of reality. Psychedelics create neuroplasticity, allowing one’s brain to form new connections, which can be a good thing, but they can also create delusions. I strongly think that a large number of psychonauts and non-psychonauts are extremely susceptible to woo woo. These beliefs not grounded in reality can be extremely off-putting and discredit the amazing power that psychedelics hold, especially for those who are interested in healing and/or self-actualization.
Meditation Communities
There is a large group of people who practice meditation, teach meditation, and teach spirituality. While this is based on anecdotal experience, most that I have met are opposed to psychedelics. I have often heard viewpoints that psychedelics are temporary, dangerous, not the “right path,” and so on. I do not think that psychedelics are better or worse than meditation. They are different tools that accomplish different things.
In fact, I consider most individuals who teach spirituality, tend to be quite lost themselves and no more “spiritual” or “enlightened” than anyone else. In my opinion, many choose these roles not because they are wise, but because they want validation, power, or just want to make ends meet. They lead others who are just as lost or confused. The idea of such thing as a guru or spiritual leader to be quite repulsive, as the truth is that nobody knows the truth of reality, and there is no need to have a gate keeper on a spiritual or healing path.
Psychedelics can be extremely threatening to those who are solely invested in spirituality, meditation, and self-discipline in the attempt to achieve what they want. More often than not, a single low dose experience can accomplish more than weeks of silent meditation in terms of self-inquiry, though that doesn’t mean they are a substitute for one another.
Psychedelics and meditation are two different things. I personally don’t agree that some spiritual gurus can achieve “enlightenment” from sitting on the ground for hours on end for months or years. Becoming self-actualized is a difficult and painful process, and there is a limit to how much you can learn about yourself while sitting somewhere by yourself with no interaction for thousands of hours.
Bias By Association
Bias by association is the main thing that kept me turned off of psychedelics. My college roommate and his friends recklessly tried different drugs for non-therapeutic reasons. They also smoked marijuana, cigarettes, and binged on alcohol on almost a daily basis. The first time I saw anyone trip was him and his friend trying salvia, one of the strongest psychoactive chemicals known. They did it recreationally and both had bad trips. I associated all drugs with irresponsibility. While I was self-destructive for a period of time with alcohol, I grew out of it, while continuing to be addicted to other things.
This bias by association is the limiting factor for most people in my opinion. They are taken by people who are drug addicts, starting with “hippies” in the 1960s through today.
Why I Decided to Trip
Someone I Trusted
When I was living in Thailand, I met a friend who I saw as responsible. He was dedicated to improving his health and had a lot of interesting things to share. One day, during the middle of a several hour bike ride, he out of blue said he thought I was someone who would like mushrooms. This intrigued me, though I didn’t express it.
Several months later, when I was visiting and staying with a friend where I went to college, my friend asked me to go to his room, since he wanted to show something to me. He opened a book, and I saw what looked like a sheet of postage stamps. He then asked if I knew what it was. I asked if it was LSD. He then confirmed it. After almost no hesitation, I said I would be interested in trying.
The Perfect Opportunity
Several days later, while I was still staying at my friend’s place, we went for a hike. He tore off a small piece of LSD and put it in his mouth. From what I gather later, it was approximately 150 micrograms. Once we got to the trailhead, he gave me the remaining quarter, roughly the equivalent of 50 micrograms. I looked at it and put it on my tongue like he instructed. My initial impression was that this was too small to have any effect. I would soon find out how mistaken I was.
My Trip: 50mcg of LSD-25
The Set and Setting
Before the trip, I knew basically nothing about psychedelics. I knew the names LSD, mushrooms, and mescalin, but I was only aware that they were hallucinogens and used by hippies. As for what the experience would be like, I had no concept as I had done zero research. I was in a good state of mind despite being rejected by someone I liked a few weeks before.
The setting was excellent. We were hiking in the mountains on a trail I had been before. It was not crowded.
Being in Nature(H3)
I personally think that nature is the best place to trip, with the exception of high doses, where the best idea is to put on an eye mask on a comfortable mattress with relaxing music.
Experiencing a New Reality(H3)
After a few hours of hiking, I still didn’t experience anything. Most psychedelics consumed orally take more time to have an effect, especially in lower amounts. My friend asked me a few times if I felt anything. Slowly and gently, the trip started. The first thing I noticed wasn’t a visual change, but rather a tactile one. I touched a wooden post that felt almost soft and was able to give in even though it was completely solid.
After hiking a bit more, I noticed some details that I had never noticed before, at least as an adult. Tiny eddies in a steam I was looking at popped out. How had I missed these before? My friend meanwhile was tripping much more, as a 3x increase in the amount in a substance is much more than 3x as strong. He was seeing fractals and in a reality that was much different than the one I was experiencing, though he was completely functional.
Becoming More Conscious
The trip got stronger and stronger. We arrived at a lake, where we were looking at dead ladybugs in the water, pikas, ants, and other small animals. I contemplated how they spent their who life here and knew nothing else. They only experienced a tiny part of the world. I then started to contemplate long timescale of the mountain and the powers that eroded it and created an essentially infinite number of boulders, rocks, pebbles, sand, and silt.
I started to notice smaller details as my ability to detect edges changed. The tactile enhancement was far more pronounced. There was a connection between my hand and the boulders I was scrambling over. It was as if my hand had somehow temporarily fused with the rock. The sensation was indescribable. I couldn’t believe that such an experience was possible, but it was happening.
On the way back, I started to think about how inadequate my parents were and my hate for them because of their neglecting and resenting of me, always trying to put me down and smirking whenever I failed. I thought about a recent crush and her gaslighting.
When focusing back outwards, I marveled about how special the nature was that I was in. Everything seemed so important and significant. All of the trees were amazing and unique and had their own lives and stories. I was filled with fascination.
What I kept thinking about was how was this possible? Alcohol, tobacco, and marijuana seemed so boring and useless. Psychedelics seemed to make the impossible, possible. LSD was special and I had to learn more. Slowly the trip started to end, and we went back.
Being a Kid Again
One association I drew from the experience was that it felt like being a child. While this is hard to qualify as an adult, my behavior seemed to mimic that of a child. I was fascinated by tree bark, insects, rocks, grass, and insects. Life became colorful and magical again. Later I would find out that the brain of someone on psychedelics is very similar to an infant’s.
Parts of the brain are far more connected rather than segregated. This article explains the phenomenon. My theory is that our childhood experiences were psychedelic in nature, that newborns had the strongest psychedelic-like experience of reality, and the older we get, the less psychedelic things become, so we can be functional and survive to reproduce.
Getting Lost in the Moment
I was so entranced by the beauty of nature, that I got quite dehydrated and last track of time. It was difficult to get back to the car before it got completely dark. We were stopping often to marvel at the the importance and uniqueness of all of the plants and animals around us.
The Realizations(H3)
While the experience had a few insights, most of them followed in the following weeks and months. I used to be a very competitive person. After the trip, I almost completely lost interest. While I still compared myself to others, the need to opening prove myself was almost lost completely. I almost stopped posting to social media, as it no longer seemed important. The desire to make myself appear a certain way on the outside was lost.
There were not so many other changes besides this. I attribute this to the small amount taken and because of the fact that I was not very self-aware. In fact, I was very self-unaware, just like most people in society.
The Best Day of My Life To Date
Due to the fact that the set and setting was appropriate, it was an overwhelmingly positive experience. It is said that the first psychedelic trips are the easiest. There may be some truth to that, but in many cases, a single unpleasant trip when one is getting started can scare someone off psychedelics forever. This is why it is ideal to start with a low dose, with a positive state of mind and in a safe environment.
Curiosity Killed the Ego
A New Passion
The trip got me hooked. It was not what I expected at all. I just assumed that psychedelics produced hallucinations, but that is not what happened. What happened was I became more conscious, and I experienced reality in a new way. It was clear that psychedelics were special, so I started to research. This research took me to learning about using them as tools to help with childhood trauma. I was sufficiently self-aware to know I was traumatized.
Taking Things Further
After my first trip, I decided that the ideal next choice was Ayahuasca, as it has been used by many who are seeking to heal their childhood trauma. In all honesty, I had no idea what I was getting into.